22471497_10155099986252201_603606874_nThis is quite a surprise. I’ve done Astrology and Music crossovers forever, but Astrology and Cars? Not as much. Surely there’s gotta be some alignment between the stars and the cars, no?

To get personal, we’re looking at a variety of Sports Coupes from around the globe that demonstrate the qualities of astrological signs. Because why be practical, but why go all out and be exotic? If you’re not feeling your choice by sun sign, give it a read via your Moon (emotional, subconscious drives) Mars (Active pursuits and literal drives) or Rising Sign (how you present yourself to the world). Or throw all 4 together to get your dream sporty garage. If you don’t know your Moon, Mars or Rising sign, hit up Astro.com and enter your birth information.

♈  Aries: Ford (Mercury) Capri

A “Mustang from Germany” really does suit you. Born out of the need to be a steed with a sophisticated flair, you got about it your own way, even if it means copying the script that’s been written time and time before. So you borrow the ordinary sedan parts around you, like the all-conquering American forbearer, and swaddle it in slightly Agro good looks. And you keep on going, and going, and going, not changing much for 20 years, because, well, Aries.


♉  Taurus: IKA Torino Coupe

You know a good solid deal when you see one. You were like, ooh I like that Dick Teague suit. You also like beef, so you head to Argentina and look around for steaks and a new engine that’s a little more, ready to charge than necessary than the economical AMC Inline Six. So you go for the Jeep Toronado Six, and a quick facelift to play on a bigger stage. Now it’s your time to go out and charge like the bull you were meant to always be.



♊  Gemini: Lancia Fulvia Coupe

You can’t do things the easy way now can you? You get that we’ve all gotta move, but you go for Front Wheel Drive in a rear drive world, go for the happy to rev V4 and transaxle and a Beam axle and STILL win all the rally races. Actually you’re probably the most praised here for your sense of movement. You can do it all, except, well… You still show where you cut some corners for this all around fabulousness. Jack of all trades still means master of none.



♋ Cancer: Oldsmobile Jetfire

You want your traditional comforts. So you’re gonna look at all the innovation possible from the dead center of the Mitten in the middle of the Good Old U.S of A. And to hell with doing all that shifting, that’s unseemly and can lead to injuries. You have the brute force of a turbocharged V8, just in case you need to attack, but it’s all to protect your soft morrocean underbelly, admit it!


♌ Leo: Borgward Isabella

Where’s the fun in moving about if you’re not doing it *beautifully?* You’re a belladonna for sure that always has to make a scene, and those lovely big eyes of headlamps give your that certain pomp and circumstance that only highlight your buxom curves and lovely curls. Nevertheless, when spurred into action, you remind everyone you’ve got more than just nine lives in you; there’s plenty of spunk as well.


♍ Virgo: Peugeot 404 Coupe

Exquisite design from an Italian design firm but still can’t trust an electric starter? Virgo, the Peugeot 404 Coupe, complete with a crank for those moments that find you without a juiced battery is waiting to never fail you. There’s the comfort of well stuffed leather seats that are still supportive, because comfort should also provide health. And why have a shifter sticking vulgar out of the transmission tunnel? Put that gearshift on the column, out of the way for clean ergonomics!


♎ Libra: Fiat 124 Coupe

The objective is to look as great as possible on a budget, always. Why would anyone bother with the expense of an Alfa Romeo when I can give you all of the passions and problems for 50% of the cost? Nobody is going to notice the label anyways. It’s a fine Italian suit regardless. It’s going to look great in the driveway or garage regardless. There’s the bonus of you getting to become really intimate with Tony when you relate over your latest woes in looking good from all angles of life.


♏ Scorpio: Citroen SM

You’re going to go hell or high water to strike out on your own, and float on fluids and have a heart stolen from a Maserati because, well, why not. You know everything is about skill and exchange, so one dance with you will always make people wonder how one can so soft and stealth and sexy all at once. You shine all the light forward so your shadow can hide all the goods.


♐  Sagittarius: Alfa Romeo GTV

You’ve got a reputation and probably have a lover or multiple in every port town, and you could care less. You’re high maintenance but everyone enjoys your thrills. You command top dollar on top of your fees and needs. People seriously forget there’s like at least 11 other alternates out there in the world. But we keep coming back for more, staring longingly and running our hands over your magnificent flanks.


♑ Capricorn: Mercedes 250C

What is this sporting all about? Why all this rushing to and ‘fro when all you want is a mobile study with a Sunroof as big as an Atrium? You want your hands to fall over loving details no matter where you reach; whether turning the headlamps on or shaking the cold cold breezes of winter out of your chariot. You want the secure bones of the most over-engineered ride to move regal across the countryside at triple digit speeds.

♒ Aquarius: Mazda Luce R130

You’re a rebel and who says anything about being any good? Who needs pistons anyways? You’re all about sitting and spinning right round. One of a kind, you plop down for one of under 1,000 of these beauties with a Rotary Wankel engine that’s different just for the sake of the exercise. Nevermind that you get worse gas mileage than that Turbo V8 Oldsmobile…


♓ Pisces: Renault Caravelle Floride

You’re a dreamer not concerned with any sense of reality. Why be in any rush to get anywhere? It’s all about the sensations and feelings of movement, right? Better if the shimmer of sunlight on your skin blinds yet beguiles those that surround you. We all have flaws, but we all have bonuses, and all is possibly beautiful.


3 thoughts on “Dynamic Divergence: Automotive Astrology – Classic Queer Coupe Choices for Every Sign from around the globe

  1. “You want the secure bones of the most over-engineered ride to move regal across the countryside at triple digit speeds.” Well, if I must. That’s Capricorn for you. Steady, secure, not too flashy and all about the quality and details.


  2. Thanx for this lighthearted essay .

    Not sure if I agree with the Scorpio but they’re all good .



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